A Different Resolution: Choosing God Over Self-Help

I’m not an expert in anything — except maybe trying the wrong thing over and over again and taking a long time to figure out the right way.

For most of my life, I searched for the perfect self-help book. The one that would fix my anger. The one that would heal my resentment. The one that would finally give me confidence, happiness, contentment… success.

I can’t tell you how many self-help books I’ve read over the years. But a few years ago, I found the last one I’ll ever need.

And I found it at my lowest point.

Even though I thought I had already hit rock bottom back in 2004, 2020 brought me to a place I didn’t recognize. If you’ve read Where Do You Tie Your Purpose?, you already know a little about that season. But to be honest, it went deeper than I ever admitted publicly.

There was a moment when I asked my husband to change the locks on our gun safe.

That’s hard to write. But it matters.

Even in my lowest moment years earlier, I had never had thoughts like that. This time, I did. I didn’t want to die — but I also didn’t trust my own thoughts, and I knew I needed protection from myself. Looking back now, I can see that moment for what it really was: not weakness, but a desperate cry for help and safety.

Right before everything changed, I did something I wouldn’t do today — I had a tarot card reading. I was searching for anything that would tell me things were going to be okay. I didn’t know where else to turn.

Then, I felt an undeniable nudge to find a book in my house. A book I knew I had, but had never read.

The Bible.

A King James Bible, to be exact — one I had been given years earlier by a stranger. I kept it only because it felt wrong to throw it away. I had never opened it.

But that day, I went looking for it.

I searched every closet, every box, every shelf until I finally found it. I didn’t know where to start, so I started at the beginning. Genesis. And I’ll be honest — it was overwhelming. The “thee’s” and “thou’s” felt foreign. But I had this quiet knowing that I was supposed to be reading it anyway.

“For the word of God is living and active…” — Hebrews 4:12

At the time, I didn’t understand much of what I was reading. But I felt something. Comfort. Peace. Like I wasn’t alone anymore.

Some days I would read a chapter multiple times, struggling to understand the meaning. Some days, I skipped reading entirely. But little by little, I kept showing up. Eventually, my family and I began reading together in the evenings. Then, in late 2022, I found The Bible Recap and something finally clicked. A reading plan with a short daily podcast that explained what I had read — exactly what I needed.

I started reading every morning. Thirty minutes a day. No pressure. No perfection. And slowly — quietly — my life began to change.

Looking back now, I see it clearly: from the very first whisper that told me to find that Bible, I was being led. I was following by faith before I even knew what that meant. And the best part? None of it was because of me.

Yes, we all have free will… but I listened. And that made all the difference.

What Changed

1. I stopped comparing myself to everyone else

Comparison used to consume me. I’d watch others on social media, feel jealous, and try to be someone I wasn’t. Now I know that God created me intentionally — not to be a copy of someone else. “I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made...” — Psalm 139:14

2. I listen to Christian music (and love it)

This one surprises me. I never thought I’d be a Christian music listener. For months, I secretly listened to K-LOVE, afraid I’d be somehow judged. Music has always spoken deeply to me, and now worship music does what nothing else ever could — it lifts my spirit.“ Speak to one another with psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs...” — Ephesians 5:19

3. I can’t watch what I used to

Things I once tolerated now feel heavy or wrong. A few years ago, when my husband was out of town, I tried to watch Magic Mike. It felt wrong. A strong voice pulled me away, and I turned it off. I believe that’s discernment — the Holy Spirit gently redirecting me. “Whatever is true, noble, right… think about such things.” — Philippians 4:8

4. I no longer need to be busy to feel worthy

I used to overcommit to prove my value. I would join every board, volunteer for every task, overextend myself. Now I know my worth doesn’t come from productivity. “Be still, and know that I am God...” — Psalm 46:10

5. I don’t cuss (much anymore)

It wasn’t forced. It just… changed. The words that once felt normal now feel wrong. “Let no unwholesome talk come out of your mouths...” — Ephesians 4:29

6. I feel peace

Real peace. Not the absence of problems — but the presence of trust. I can sit quietly and just be, without guilt. “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. Not as the world gives do I give to you.” — John 14:27

7. I finally understand the difference between happiness and joy

Happiness comes and goes. Joy stays. I spent years thinking I’d be happy once I had the right job, the right body, the right season of life. And every time I reached one of those goals, the feeling faded faster than I expected. “Happiness” never lasted. Joy comes from God, even in the messy, imperfect moments. “The joy of the Lord is your strength.” — Nehemiah 8:10

8. I talk to God constantly

Not formally. Not perfectly. Just honestly. I talk to Him while driving, cooking, homeschooling. He is always there. “Pray without ceasing.” — 1 Thessalonians 5:17

9. I want to read the Bible more

It truly is living and active. Each time I read, I hear something new. Sometimes a passage hits differently than it did a year ago, and that never gets old.

10. I no longer strive for perfection

There is only One who is perfect — and it’s not me. “My grace is sufficient for you...” — 2 Corinthians 12:9

11. I know I’m not enough — and that’s okay

I don’t have to be. God is. “...Apart from Me you can do nothing.” — John 15:5

12. Choosing God Over Self-Help Books

Nothing else ever filled the hole the way God did.

13. I have convictions now

Not because I want to argue — but because truth matters. I no longer say, “to each their own,” to avoid confrontation. Standing firm feels right.

14. I’m kinder, more patient, and quicker to give grace

Because I’ve been given so much of it. I see the human struggle in others and remember my own. “Be kind and compassionate… forgiving each other....” — Ephesians 4:32

15. I start and end my day with gratitude

Even on hard days, I can thank God for the lessons, the love, and the little moments. “This is the day the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it.” — Psalm 118:24

16. I no longer chase validation, crowds, or busyness

I’ve learned to slow down, focus on the people and experiences that matter, and protect my heart from negativity.

17. I eat humble pie regularly

Life keeps teaching me lessons. And I accept them — gratefully.

18. I want to live with purpose

Not society’s version — God’s.

19. I truly accepted Jesus as my Savior

Not in theory. In practice. After reading the Bible and experiencing His guidance, I made a deliberate choice to follow Him.

20. I understand grace now

I am deeply flawed — and deeply loved. “While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” — Romans 5:8

21. I have a constant Counselor

I may not hear an audible voice, but I feel His presence. I call on Him when I am afraid, unsure, or just don’t know what to do. “The Lord is near to all who call on Him, to all who call on him in truth." — Psalm 145:18

27. I know this doesn’t make me better than anyone

It just makes my life better than before, gentler, and fuller.

If you’re tired, or searching, or just feel stuck — I see you. I’ve been there. And I can tell you honestly that letting God in changed everything for me. If you’re someone who makes New Year’s resolutions, I want to gently suggest something different this year:

Don’t resolve to fix yourself.

Invite God into your life instead.

Because I promise you — the life you build with Him will always be better than the one you try to build on your own.